Swimming

i was swimming across the sky
Clouds and angels by my side
Then i realized that i was lonely
And it wasn't such a good thing.

i was flying in paradise
In that ocean of dead lights
i was looking for Your smile in the wind
But there was nobody there this morning.

i was swimming across the sky
Clouds and angels by my side
Then i realized that i was lonely
And it wasn't such a good thing.

i believe in Your smile everyday
But i know that You're far from my way
When i talk to the moon i can hear You
In the dark i can see, i can feel Your light.

Lyrics by Emilie Simon * Photomanipulation/collage by me.

A big hug

Surprise hug line art by Manic goose

for Gray, Charli and g. Thank you beautiful ladies. Your comments mean a lot to me. At the moment i have not much to write here. I fantasize on my garden- and fairytales blog, but i wonder if anybody reads it. So anyone, please delurk one time overthere so i'll know iam not alone in the woods and my wonderland. :-)

Blood is thicker than water so once in awhile i will upload some nice pictures overhere.

i miss You

Wish you were here by Vladimir Borowicz

Since T. is my Owner i haven't crave (heavily) 'cause our meetings were regular and intense. Ofcourse there was this pleasant craving, but not this awful craving because of lack. A craving that hurts. But not a pleasant pain. A pain that gives you the feeling to climb against the wall. Because you don't know wheter you're standing on your head or on your heels. Because of this great lack.

The last few weeks i don't read often other blogs but i dose my reading. Because that awful craving has returned. I'm very happy for the, mostly intense, experiences of my also submissive bloggers. I am happy for them. But my feelings start to gnaw. A gnawing i try to suppress. This gnawing that stands for the great lack, the craving that hurts so badly.

The interaction between T. and myself is still less than it was before, but it feels as if we despite, or maybe just because of, are growing even more towards each other. T. let me strongely know that He cares a lot about me, that i (too) am important for Him. (Stay with me, I want you!)
That He loves me.

Which enlarge the lack and the craving, but it also makes me happy. It makes me happy to know that His thoughts about me, about us, comforts Him. In this for Him so hard times. So in fact i serve Him passively, indirectly. Knowing this soothes me. 'Cause i rejected my (mostly exciting) thoughts about Him. How can i allow myself to think this way while T. grieves the illness of His wife, His beloved one. But i can't just switch off my feelings ofcourse. 1 2 3 gone! To know that my Owner accepts His feelings, even though they are double-hearted sometimes, makes me also feeling less guilty. So i dare to send Him a mail about SM in stead of daily matters, that i allow myself to call Him Master again in textmessages. Our last phonecall, not so long ago, was very intense and it resulted in feeling His girl and slut. Feelings i forbit myself to feel.
When i will meet Him again i don't know, so the awful craving that hurts badly will continue in the time coming. I do hope the craving doesn't get worse.

(Virtual) hugs are much appreciated right now. ;-)

Handed down to my senses

* Click here to enter my garden. *

KATHARSIS

It's my party

Birthday stuff etc. There's enough cake, so go ahead, take a piece. And yes, the five is absolutely correct! ;-)

Haiku

* click *

Dig!

Winding path

Life has lots of winding paths. Sometimes that's fun and exciting, at other times frightening and turbulent. The path Master walks at present in daily life is an insecure, frightening one. Our relationship is still strong, but we have a little bit less connection because of this dark, insecure path. Understandable, 'cause Master has something else on His mind and the future is scary. He informs me about what's going on in His life and i don't have words right now. I am here for Him as his friend but a bit in the background. The submissive, masochistic girl i also keep in the background, 'cause that feels out of place right now. Therefore i temporary will not write new posts here either. That also feels inappropriate. I don't know what the future will bring, i don't know when i will meet my Owner again, but that's the less important. I am here as his friend, i love Him, i hope that i can bring Him some comforting words, and i do hope with all my heart for a bright future for Him and his family.

It's time for some spring cleaning!